


The things we don't say

by He_goes_I_go (Into_The_Thread)



Category: Suits (US TV)
Genre: Declarations Of Love, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Harvey is an emotional mess, Light Angst, M/M, Mike tries to help, and emotionally stunted, mention of Gordon Specter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-13 05:20:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29023365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Into_The_Thread/pseuds/He_goes_I_go
Summary: Harvey has a long overdue talk about his feelings. Twice.
Relationships: Mike Ross/Harvey Specter
Comments: 4
Kudos: 37





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I know this kind of plot and setting has been used in many fanfictions, but I really wanted to give it a shot. Hope you like it and it isn't 100% what you expected!

"There's someone"   
Harvey takes a long breath and lets it out, slowly.  
He can smell the wet fragrance of fallen leaves, the last warmth of the changing season, the crispy air of fall starting to permeate the atmosphere.  
He looks around, finding comfort in the deafening silence and the complete solitude.

"Or I wish there were. It's.. complicated"  
He lowers his head, a smile threatening to cover his face. He marvels at the fact that even thinking about the whole fucked up situation he finds himself bone deep into can't prevent him from feeling thrilled, expectant.

"I already told you about them" A troubled expression ghosts over his features, but he immediately chases it away.  
".. him" he whispers, letting out a breath he hadn't noticed he was keeping. He feels immediately lighter, his voice getting stronger, firmer. 

"I already told you about _him_ " He hesitantly raises his eyes, like he's expecting to be judged, disapproved. But then he snorts, berating himself for his stupidity.

"He's.. it's Mike. Fucking Mike Ross. That kid.. he infuriates me" Harvey laughs. This time he doesn't hesitate. 

"Actually no, he doesn't. Not really. That's what I say to try to overlook the fact that he completely throws me off. And you know I simply ... don't. I'm never destabilized, never distracted but Mike.. he does that to me and I can't control it. I... I don't want to"

Harvey downs the whiskey in one gulp, letting the amber liquid burn his throat. He feels his face heat up and he isn't so sure it's because of the alcohol. 

"It took me some time to admit it. That he was getting inside, that he was changing me. Oh, I've been so blind. I put at stake my whole life and career the moment I met him for God's sake, that should have been one hell of a hint" Harvey looks up, bothered. He pours himself some more whiskey and tilts his glass forward. 

"Sorry man, indulging myself a bit today" He sips slowly this time, his eyes concentrated. 

"You used to tell me that you would have done it all over again. Even after the pain, the humiliation, you told me that loving someone would have never been a mistake, that it was worth it anyway. I couldn't understand. For years I did the opposite, I never let anyone in, to prevent myself from getting involved. _Caring only makes you weak._ I didn't want to be weak. But I do understand now. It took me some time, but I do. Because the reality is, I've been weak from the day I met him. I cared from day one. And it wasn't just that little thing of giving a job to a fraud...it was the banter, the challenge, the movie quotes, the fist bumps, his brilliance, the slim ties and also how I smiled more, how I gave in, only with him. I understand now what you meant, because I wouldn't change a thing"  
Harvey breathes in, out. Huffs. 

"But now...now it's all in the things we don't say. I read people for a living, there's no way I'm reading him wrong. The way his gaze lingers, sometimes, as if there's more he wants to say. The warmth when he smiles at me, charged with so much more fondness than I probably deserve. The not-so-casual touches. How his breath hitches.   
But he doesn't say a word. I don't say a word and we're both trapped in this limbo I don't know how to call" Harvey looks up at the sky, as if he could find there the answer for him to be read.

"Ok, full disclosure. Harvey Specter is completely paralized by fear. I've already admitted having _emotions_ , but acting on them is a completely different matter"  
He blinks once, twice. He can feel the unshed tears, but he refuses to acknowledge them, let alone to set them free.

"I don't know if I can do it, Dad" his voice breaks and he quicky clears his throat, a pretence of composure.

"We are already walking on thin air, me and Mike. What if I screw it up?" Harvey slams the empty glass on the gravestone, then he cringes at his own gesture and nervously runs his hand over his face. 

"See? This is _not_ me. When on earth have I ever been this hesitant? Harvey Specter takes what he wants. I close people. Why can't I just close him?"

Harvey fixes his gaze on the grave and after a moment he nods and sets his jaw.

"Fuck it" It's almost whispered, but after saying it he feels more relaxed.

"I wish I could have actually talked to you about all of this, but... thank you Dad" He vaguely gestures to the bottle of scotch, to the glasses and the grey tombstone. "All these years I've been living promising myself I'd never risk what happened to you and Mom, that I'd never end up like... you. But since Mike literally fell into my life, I reconsidered all my choices... so I guess I can take one more chance. And I want to trust your judgement, because we are so much more similar than I've ever admitted. I'll be playing the odds, for once" Harvey smirks, remembering his own words from some time before.

"Bye, Dad" he murmurs, but instead of turning away he stays still, breathing in slowly. 

He is in no rush and it feels so much harder to say goodbye this time that he'd need a comforting word or an advice so bad. He doesn't think he's ever missed his Dad more than today. 

_Come on Specter, time to man up._  
He knows eventually he'll need his armour back in place and to build up some of his well oiled walls again, but for now he can let his mind weight the importance of his revelations. Harvey finds himself smiling at the fact that for once in his life he doesn't have a plan and he doesn't care at all.

He finally turns around and walks to the exit. Only at a second glance he notices someone leaning to one of the cemetery entrance's pillars, a figure standing out and somewhat out of place in the otherwise desolate location. He doesn't need to look twice to recognize the blonde messy hair and the familiar traits, that charming swag he came to...

"Mike?" he sounds more intrigued that surprised. Mike smiles softly and looks up almost bashful.

"Hi. I didn't mean to look like a stalker, but I didn't want to interrupt" he nods his head in the direction of the tombstones.

"You looked more like an FBI agent creepily spying on a funeral... but when I got closer, you scruffy looks gave you away" Mike huffs a laugh.

"You're just jealous, you wish you could rock my 'effortlessly informal' style" Mike quips. 

"Try with 'effortlessly shabby'" Harvey smirks raising his eyebrows, but then he puts himself back together. "Seriously Mike, what are you doing here?"

"I... missed my stop?" Harvey watches him with disbelief. 

"After taking a commuter train and traveling two hours out of New York?" Mike scratches his neck and lowers his head, spying Harvey from under his eyelashes. 

"You seemed distracted lately, upset. I thought maybe you needed a friend" Harvey feels his throat go dry, overwhelmed by the urgency to bare his thoughts right there in that moment. He manages to keep his expression neutral and he knows he has lost his chance to talk when he sees Mike squirm and then grimace. 

  
"Maybe it wasn't a good idea. I'm sorry if I overstepped" he makes a move to go away and starts walking, but Harvey swiftly joins him and pats him forcefully on a shoulder.

"Well, since you're here, you might as well buy me dinner. There's a place I want to show you, you know, to fill in your stalker dossier" He side-eyes Mike with an exasperated look they both know he doesn't mean. The smile Mike directs him is the only confirmation he needs. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This second part escalated quickly. There's A LOT of Harvey's emotional turmoil. Hope it didn't turn too much out of character.

"Is this a jazz club?" Mike asks while entering the door Harvey is holding open. The lawyer silently peers at his associate while he inspects the place, drinking every detail with his sharp gaze. 

"No shit, Sherlock" Harvey jokes while he gestures Mike to follow him.

"Did anyone explain you the meaning of rhetorical questions?" Mike bites back, a crooked smile brightening his face.

Harvey smiles while they pass the stage, where the musicians are arranging their instruments in a chorus of dissonant notes.

They finally reach a mostly private booth in the back.

"Order something to drink smartass, I'm going to the toilet"

He walks away and only once he's in the safety of the restroom, he drops his head, places his hands over the cold surface of the sink and leans all his weight on them, watching his shaken reflection in the ill-kempt mirror.

Mike's presence must be a sign of sorts, not that he ever believed in signs, destiny or all that bullshit. But he can trust his instinct, that he can do. His instinct made him who he is. He just...he wasn't expecting it to happen so soon. He acted by impulse by bringing Mike here of all places, and that's exactly what he promised he would do. That's what his Dad would do. It just all seems easier said than done.

He splashes some cold water over his face and scoffs at himself for behaving like a character in a rom-com.

When he gets back to the table, Mike is already sipping his beer. When he sees him, he tips Harvey's bottle with his own.

"I would go with a prostate joke, but it would be tacky to hit such an easy target"

Harvey shakes his head and exhales, grabbing his beer.

"Is this your way of helping a distressed friend? By insulting him with bad jokes?"

Mike fixes his eyes on him, looking curious and thoughtful. When he seems to have found his answer, he shifts his gaze and clears his throat.

"So... did your Dad use to play here?"

Harvey swallows, taking his time. He points at a framed photo hanging over Mike's head, where a jazz band is pictured.

"This was like a second home for him, whenever he was in town he would come for a gig once or twice a week. He would always take me with him and he would sit me right here. He said the acoustics in this exact point were the best of the room" He smiles at the memory and he knows Mike is smiling, too.

He risks a glance at Mike and finds his associate's eyes fixed on him. He opens his mouth to talk, but shuts it when Mike beats him at it.

"You don't share a lot of your personal life, but I know things at work aren't harder than usual and I've never seen you so tense during this time of the year before. Are you ok?" there's worry in his tone and a strange intensity in his demeanor.

Harvey clenches his jaw and lowers his gaze. He feels Mike's eyes on him and notices just then that he's leaning imperceptibly closer than before.

"There are a few things on my mind" _Evasive._

"Evasive" Mike retorts. Harvey snorts and takes a long breath.

"Alright. I'm coming to terms with some... how do they call them? Ghosts from the past. Mostly my parents' failed relationship and how it still affects my actions-" he pauses to swallow "and my...feelings" He avoids watching Mike's face. His stomach is in knots and his hands are clammy with sweat where they are clasped together over the table. He feels miserable and ridiculous.

"What feelings?" Mike's voice is soft, almost condescending, and Harvey hates it. He doesn't reply, words simply won't come out. It’s just fair that Mike asks him, they’ve been circling around this for far too long, but he can’t stand this sensation of helplessness and vulnerability. It’s too much-

"Harvey. Please. I need to know" When the associate places his hand on his wrist, Harvey recoils from the touch.

"I...This wasn't a good idea" he puts some distance between them and avoids looking at Mike. This is going so wrong and he doesn't know what's got into him. He hears Mike shift at his side.

"I traveled for two hours to be here on a free Saturday for you. Because I was worried about you. Could you at least deign me with a straightforward answer, for a change?" His voice is tense, barely under control.

Harvey's mind goes blank. He knows, deep inside, that he must have hurt Mike, but right now there is just white noise and discomfort. His self-preservation instinct kicks in and he snaps.

"No one asked you to come here, am I right? Would you just stop coddling me as if I were some damsel in distress and presuming I owe you something?"

"You know what? You're right. Coming here was a mistake" Mike stands up shamefaced, a blush covering his neck when he clumsily exits the booth and gets out.

It takes a moment for Harvey to follow him. He's still frozen in his seat, processing his last words. On a second thought, he probably needed to plan this out. No matter how confident he might be, it's quite clear you don't learn how to talk about your feelings just _feeling_ them.

 _Damn it!_ Harvey slams his fist on the table and then walks out to find Mike.

He catches sight of him in the deserted and dusty parking area, the last rays of sun painting the sky in rosy colors. Mike must sense his presence because he talks without turning around.

"Leave me alone, Harvey" he says, raising one hand dismissively.

"This isn't easy for me" Harvey tries. He knows it's not enough, but he is. Trying.

Mike turns around, anger visibly taking over his features. But he must see something in Harvey's expression, because he relaxes a little.

"I know it isn't, but you can't keep on humiliating me. You are a fucking enigma, you know that? You have walls around yourself so sky-high that make you absolutely unreachable. Then you open up like these last weeks, you seem to send some signals and I think that maybe this is the moment, this is the crack that will finally break down your defenses. So I try to get closer, I try to let those feelings show but you just slip away, hiding behind your parents' failed relationship as if it were an irrefutable thesis. You must know how I feel, I haven’t been exactly subtle. In case you haven’t guessed, I’m head over heels in love with you! But you don’t let anything show and I'm fucking lost!" At the end of his speech, Mike’s voice has raised and he looks upset, his breath labored.

And that's when Harvey laughs. All the pent-up emotions and the tension melt down in that exact moment. He knows it might look like he lost it for good, but he can't help it. It's the adrenaline, it's the euphoria from Mike's confession. Maybe this is the sign he has been waiting all along. He laughs at their beating around the bush, he laughs about their miscommunication that would be tragic if it weren't so unbelievably hilarious and he laughs at Mike's horrified and then affronted expression. He tries to catch his breath and wipes away the tears, leveling his eyes with Mike's disbelieving gaze.

"You are an idiot" Harvey says, almost breathless.

Mike snorts spitefully. "It takes one to know one-" he fires back "-and I'm not the one who exploded in a fit of laughter in the middle of a very serious conversation, asshole"

Harvey's crooked smile is full of affection and he sees Mike loosen up minutely. He is finally sure: not only he read Mike right all those times, but God, he wants him so much right now. He takes two steps, invading his associate's personal space.

"Ok, it's established we fucked this up. But now, you have to shut up and let me talk" Mike frowns. "Please"

Harvey succeeds in conveying his seriousness because Mike finally nods his head.

"This day, every single year, has always been *my* private day. No one has ever been invited and I never talk about it" Mike tries to interrupt, but Harvey lifts one warning hand to stop him. The blonde raises one eyebrow, urging him to keep talking.

"I come here, make a toast with my Dad and talk to him, like I never did when he was alive. It's just me and him. Today it was different, that's why I'm having a hard time adjusting. Today all I could talk about was... you. Don't make that face, I'm more shocked than you to voice it out loud" He rolls his eyes and doesn't miss the expectant look Mike is giving him.

"This club... it's where my parents met. When you showed up today, all I could think about was that I needed to bring you here, and not to curse the place where my parents fell in love, but to _share it_ with you. My Dad never stopped coming here, not even when they separated. He might have resented my Mom, but he never regretted the time they spent together. I always despised his romanticism and never understood how love could make him so blind and so forgiving even with his memories...until recently. I’ve changed because of you, I’m trying to be better for you and today I wanted you here, Mike. The key word is trying. I’m shit at this, it will take some time, but _I am_ trying and I want you, in my life" He fixes Mike with intent, hoping to have said enough, to have been obvious enough. He's not sure he can endure much longer the pounding of his heart in his chest.

"So are you telling me this was an awkward attempt at romance?" Mike is teasing to put him at ease and he couldn’t be more grateful. But Harvey can also sense his hopeful tone.

"Careful kid. Remember I know places and people. I could make you disappear and no one would ever know" they are so close he can feel the warmth of Mike's breath all over his face.

".. and did you just threaten to murder me? I'm afraid your flirting method needs some serious improvement" Mile smirks, his eyes flashing.

"I wasn't flirting" Harvey complains. Mike gives him a skeptical look. "Ok, maybe I was and something backfired. Look, there's nothing wrong with my flirting technique, it's just that...this is the first time it matters. It's the first time I care"

Mike is cautious when he places one hand on Harvey's neck and he tentatively brushes his thumb over his jaw. He relaxes when Harvey doesn't reject him this time.

"Is this ok?" Harvey rolls his eyes. "I told you before, I'm not made of glass Mike"

"I'm sorry I pushed you when you were struggling"

"No, you are not"  
"No I'm not. But I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable" Mike looks like he feels genuinely guilty.

"I didn't mean to flinch away, it was just a lot to take in and I short-circuited for a while. Old habits are hard to break"

"Do you mean being an *cough* heartless *cough* bastard?"

"Don't push it" Mike grins in that way that lightens his whole face and Harvey feels his knees go weak.

"In the name of straightforwardness, those feelings... I have them. For you." Ok, that wasn't so hard. It’s not much, it’s not everything, but it feels right.

"Thank you. For bringing me here. For trying. And-” he grins, like he can’t stop doing it “I'm going to kiss you now. If that's not too 'prince-charming' for you" Mike shifts to lean in a little closer and puts both his palms on Harvey's cheeks. It's Harvey that closes the distance with an impatient grunt.

The kiss is slow, at first just a soft nipping. When Harvey starts licking at Mike's lower lip, their tongues meet in a sensual rhythm, exploring the sensations, inhaling their scents, mixing their breaths. Harvey feels hot and light-headed all of a sudden and he has to move one hand behind Mike's neck, not only to keep him close, but to anchor himself. He can't move away, can't have enough of the warmth, the intimacy. He concentrates on Mike's elaborate breath and the soft sounds coming from his throat. He breaths him in while going back to lightly bite at his lips, before plunging again his tongue in his mouth and moaning when Mike sucks it. This doesn't feel like anything he felt before, the thrumming of his blood in his veins, the sensation low in his chest that this isn't just a passing flame, but a whole fire consuming him in the most pleasurable way.

When they break apart, he has to catch his breath and concentrate to subside the trembling that has overtaken him. They look at each other and he knows Mike can see it all. He lets him.

It's Mike that breaks the silence.

"I...holy fuck" he is still breathless. Harvey gloats a little. He brushes his thumb over Mike's reddened lips and runs it lower, a feather touch caressing his partner's jaw and neck. He pecks him on the lips again before pulling away. "Come on, you still have to buy me dinner"

Mike splutters at the sudden change of topic.

"Seriously? Are you already bossing me around on our first date?" Harvey pins him down with an eloquent stare.

"Mike, I've been bossing you around since the day we met" Mike tries to interject, but Harvey continues with a throaty whisper "And you love it"

And then he silences him with a bruising kiss that has nothing to do with their first, this one all instinct and passion. He literally devours his mouth, keeping them pressed up to each other from head to toes with a hand on Mike's lower back and the other fisted into his hair. When he pulls away Mike follows him blindly, trying to keep their lips locked. Harvey is almost tempted to give in again. Almost.

Instead,he brushes his hand through Mike's hair in an attempt to tame it down and then moves away smirking. Mike groans loudly and Harvey glances behind just in time to catch him adjusting himself.

"Harvey, wait! Why don't we just skip dinner and I don't know, go back to New York, to our apartments? Or more precisely, to one. Together"

"Have you ever seen a princess giving herself away on the first night? I don't think so, Michael" he tries to keep a scolding tone. 

"Do you really want to keep going with the fairy tale metaphor?" Mike catches up with him just when Harvey is entering the club.

The brunette makes a show of thinking it through and smirks at the mental images. Then he suddenly leans in, until his mouth is almost touching Mike's ear. He lowers his voice and purrs "A car is picking us up in an hour. So, will you please have dinner with me? Believe me, you'll need the energy"

He sees Mike shudder and give him a dirty look before rushing to their previous booth, so he follows him, laughing wholeheartedly.

A saxophone plays in the background and Harvey watches the old picture on the wall.

_Sign received._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it! I might consider adding Mike's POV to this story in the future!  
> Thank you so much for reading, let me know what you thought about it in the comments!


End file.
